Overcoming Self Obsession by Meditation

Crime Watch Extra called me onto a particularly difficult crime reconstruction. It required two elderly lady actors, an ugly brutish male actor and 4 litres of wall paper paste.

The main issue for the Producers was the over-riding fear that came from the 'stars' regarding our location. When I say 'stars' I mean the actors. (If I used the word 'Star' in it's true sense I would just be referring to myself.)

I tackled their 'artistic' phobia of being in this Cavern - which luckily was the actual location of the original crime - aka Crime Scene.

Getting the 3 actors to press their whole bodies onto the curved wet wall of the cavern they began a meditation chant - you can hear this chant on my audio book 'Overcoming Self Obsession by Meditation' and read the chant words in my book ''Overcoming Self Obsession by Meditation pt 2' [Self Publication]

Once the actors had stop whimpering and were calmly breathing from their stamens the real fun began (of course I had predicted this turn of events however the catering truck staff were shocked into screaming like orphaned pups!!) .

Well as I took a large bite from a Fromage Baguette the spirits of the real Victims entered me in a whirlwind of choking dust and spit. My assistant described them as 'the singing embodiment of Macbeth's Weird Sisters - frothing at mouth, railing and raking. These granny demons sung maniacal hymns.

"...As surely as night follows day...." these two ladies who had been murdered - now brutally slaughtered these Holiest of songs.

- Ugly was keeping himself occupied with the Wallpaper paste - enjoying the variable viscosity/height differentiation of paste. An innocent pleasure that offered crew the gentle counter-balance to the horror of Killer Cavern and the Screaming granny Witches.

Half an hour after the Spirits tirade had stopped, and I was enjoying a good sup of tea - the Producers and I agreed - these women kind of asked for their brutal sleighing. Harsh perhaps. But if you'd heard their rendition of 'Little Donkey' you would understand.

Once again I have proved supreme - both in life and the after laugh.

Dear Lover No.9

Dear Lover No.9,

I have admired you from afar. Last night that Afar turned into Amen.

How lucky and how beautiful am I? Yes Lover - i'm that lucky and i'm that beautiful.

Adieu,

O

Is it me?

Terry Wogan's Togs may have coined the phrase 'is it me?' to describe the realisation that most people are smarter than the plebians in authority - however i'm talking about myself.

Is it me? Is it me? Is it me?

The answer dear reader.... No.

Singing Springstein Spirt is in an it's... i'm not going.

Confused dear reader? Well join the club. Ask yourselves punk... are you feeling lucky and 'Is it me?'.

It all began last night after an Ivy dinner. Sat with Russian Billionhairass - Plobdiv Sarah Shernburg and her crew... ooohhhh BORN IN THE USA, I WAS - BOOOORN IN THE USA