Overcoming Self Obsession by Meditation

Crime Watch Extra called me onto a particularly difficult crime reconstruction. It required two elderly lady actors, an ugly brutish male actor and 4 litres of wall paper paste.

The main issue for the Producers was the over-riding fear that came from the 'stars' regarding our location. When I say 'stars' I mean the actors. (If I used the word 'Star' in it's true sense I would just be referring to myself.)

I tackled their 'artistic' phobia of being in this Cavern - which luckily was the actual location of the original crime - aka Crime Scene.

Getting the 3 actors to press their whole bodies onto the curved wet wall of the cavern they began a meditation chant - you can hear this chant on my audio book 'Overcoming Self Obsession by Meditation' and read the chant words in my book ''Overcoming Self Obsession by Meditation pt 2' [Self Publication]

Once the actors had stop whimpering and were calmly breathing from their stamens the real fun began (of course I had predicted this turn of events however the catering truck staff were shocked into screaming like orphaned pups!!) .

Well as I took a large bite from a Fromage Baguette the spirits of the real Victims entered me in a whirlwind of choking dust and spit. My assistant described them as 'the singing embodiment of Macbeth's Weird Sisters - frothing at mouth, railing and raking. These granny demons sung maniacal hymns.

"...As surely as night follows day...." these two ladies who had been murdered - now brutally slaughtered these Holiest of songs.

- Ugly was keeping himself occupied with the Wallpaper paste - enjoying the variable viscosity/height differentiation of paste. An innocent pleasure that offered crew the gentle counter-balance to the horror of Killer Cavern and the Screaming granny Witches.

Half an hour after the Spirits tirade had stopped, and I was enjoying a good sup of tea - the Producers and I agreed - these women kind of asked for their brutal sleighing. Harsh perhaps. But if you'd heard their rendition of 'Little Donkey' you would understand.

Once again I have proved supreme - both in life and the after laugh.