Cut off in my Prime

Hello Devoteas

I was called away suddenly - not the spirits - more random than that - it was a CELEBRITY.

I'm back at Old Aunties - stirring troops and summoning dead commissioners - when a tall Scottish hunk began wittering on...

"oh i'm looking for a printer, where's my printer... I need a printer"

While eyeing up my equipment I thought - I KNOW YOU - YOU'RE A CELEBRITY.

I should be a detective - as like Sherlock Holmes I deduced:

1) I recognise Him
2) He can't be friend or family because I don't know any black haired Scottish men
3) My luck was in

So coming to his rescue - I helped this whitterer - glowing with English rose radiance and the residue of a particularly pumping gym session.

He said "Thankyou - you're very kind"

I agreed, he's observant even if printer retarded.

I pressed the buttons for 2 copies and put the paper into the machine (yes he'd fecked that up - trying to shove the paper into the air cooler!)

Genetically speaking - he's attractive, tall, fit. He's a celebrity so 'Talented' smart and 'Show' Business savvy. But he's also cack handed and dufus-like.... Breeding potential - ummm - Scottish men are well known around my end - to be generous if hesitant lovers... hey i'le give him a shot.

Father of my first born - may allow that.

I'le keep you posted...

...he's probably irritating the tits off his wife - i'm not that much of a feminist to come to her rescue and take him off her hands - and if she's a Scottisher she probably thrives and swells on adversity and suffering.

Rascist Rant over - that's why my last blog was cut short.

Another Ibiza ditty that shot out of me was a future warning to a tight clothed actress who presented herself on her knees...

CSI Animal

Got a call from my Agent
Got a call
Got a call

He said 'Little Princess'
You're going to the ball

I've got you Animal Rescue
A Feature that will place:
CSI Animal
Insert - Titled with your face

CSI Animal?
I questioned
'What is that?'

"CSI Animal Crimes against...?
Cat, Bat or Rat"

Come Monday Morning
Wardrobe dressed me up
Tight; jeans, Vest Shirt, Lacquered hair
Black Boots worn 4 stirrups

I looked NY chic
LA Glam
I'm a Hollywood Dream Babe
Ready for HD Cam

First shows
Were simple shows
Abattoir and Battersea Dogs Home
Reasons for Deaths - so clear
Even without DNA smear

3rd case was mighty tricky
on A45 to Penge
Hedgehog suspiciously flattened
His death - my duty to avenge.

Rule of thumb when CSI'ing
Hold off assumptions to the end
First impressions can be false
This is no Pretend

On my knees I dusted for prints,
On my back I scoured for motive
On my feet I UV'ed for Blood/Semen
With one of these - I did succeed

Trajectory of Blood Splayed
out from end to end
1.7m diameter
once again - I don't pretend

I photoed every angle
Photos of my looking great
Photos of my mate Johnny
Ooops wrong step I make

I stepped back onto flat Hedgehog
The Director and Producer saw
They’re both animal lovers
Sensitive issue – too raw

They let me finish the ep
Demo’ed how Hog was hoe’ed
Slow-Mo recreation
Using plasticine hog and road

My pretty scaled blood spat image
My pretty butt in tight jeans
My pretty NY chic stirrups boots
No dent – They told me ‘Just Leave’