Ladies - is it you that's the Alcoholic?

Ladies… You know when you go to the bathroom – always checking for spots? No pimple can last for longer than the time between urinating. Messy hair with knots, ladies it’s the same – it’s just the time between pees that your hair can be and stay naughty,

But you can weigh 9 stone and have fingers as swollen and large as cumbershire sausages and you still won’t notice you’ve got a drink problem.

You can sit out on an October morning, 5 degrees, gail blowing, you’ll be in a tshirt and sweating and you still won’t notice you’ve got a drink problem.

Your nose is as red as Rudolfs.. but no – it’s winter sunburn, you haven’t got a drink problem.

Your friends start ordering water from the bar, and it takes the same amount of time for them to drink 1 half pint glass of water as for you to down 3 pints of strong bow and you still won’t notice you’ve got a big drink problem.

You see your best friends chatting to you with a big smile on her face, you sense shes talking about the cute guy in the office and what she wants for her birthday but all you can say is, “Why such a sad face, get yourself a drink, cmon lets party” No you still won’t notice during this work away day that you’re the one with the drink problem.

You’re buying a Kebab.

You’re on your second Kebab and you’re not sure how you got a chicken one this time. Alcoholic? Not you.

The whole of London is winking at you – you’re in a tower block – perhaps you can fly? Oh – a cold bottle of beer being handed over by a cute fat guy who looks like father xmas….. drinking issues? Nope!

Really comfy soft bed – need toilet – oh fat guys fallen asleep on top … warm water flows, feels nice….

Head hits taxi door jam…. Santa’s so nice..

Time for work….oh I’ve got a cold:0) Phone in.